


It's Heartbreak, Or It's Love

by satanic_panic



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Gen, Gender-neutral Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 16:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21200939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satanic_panic/pseuds/satanic_panic
Summary: Eddie gets kicked out of his home, which results in him going to the one person he knows will have him.





	It's Heartbreak, Or It's Love

Eddie could already hear ‘Knock On Wood’ by Anii Stewart playing as he approached your house, frowning a little as he thought about how he was possibly ruining your Saturday night, he wished things were different - poor Eddie had nowhere else to go, and his wife had kicked him out for lying to her one too many times about where he went, who he was with, what he was doing… that was the only difference between his mother’s abuse and his wife’s: his mother would have never thrown him out, but his wife would, and did. She tossed him aside, onto the street, and with nowhere else to go, Eddie wound up at your front door with his bags and a heavy heart. He raised his hand, pressing the little button beside the letterbox to ring the bell. 

A few surprised curses could be heard, although incredibly muffled, before the door opened. Your hair was damp, but you were wearing fresh pyjamas, and the scent of your shampoo infected his nose, making it tickle a little from the strength of it. 

“Eddie,” you cleared your throat, taken a little off guard. “Hey, what… what are you doing here? Isn’t your wife… does she know you’re here?” 

Eddie shook his head, sighing heavily. “She kicked me out… I know it’s late, and all, but I have-” 

You shook your head at him, ushering him inside without another word, you grabbed a couple of his bags, carrying them into the kitchen with you and dumping them by the fridge before you busied yourself making two cups of coffee - you always kept a spare pot of decaf for him, as well as a few scraps of brown sugar. You stayed silent right up until the moment his fingers grazed yours when he took the cup of coffee from you. 

“You don’t need to explain anything, and you’re more than welcome to stay for however long as you want - just be sure to look in the cupboards and the fridge and let me know if there’s any food or drinks or whatever that you want from Tesco in the morning, yeah?” 

Eddie nodded, swallowing thickly and trying not to show how nervous and anxious and just utterly scared he was; he was worried he was intruding, he was scared that he would end up on the streets where diseases were so easily caught that it was nearly impossible not to have one - or at least, that was what he believed, what he had been taught. He was thankful, grateful, nevertheless, though, that you had told him he could stay for however long he wanted. He was so very grateful, words could not simply express it enough. Not nearly enough. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

You offered up a sad smile. “I gotta ask, though - what made you think of me, I mean, surely there were places to go?” 

Eddie shook his head as he sighed heavily. “I had nowhere else to go, I mean, nowhere else where I wouldn’t get sick - somewhere safe… and you… you were the first person I thought of.” 

You nodded, licking your lips and clearing your throat, laying a heavy hand upon his shoulder. “Well, I can’t promise you not getting a cold or somethin’, but I can promise you that it’s safe here - you remember where the spare room is, right?” 

Eddie shifted beneath your grip, still not used to affection in a way that was positive and not positively controlling. He didn’t mind you touching him, he really didn’t, but at the same time, he was still coming to terms with it having no hidden motive. “Up the stairs, to the left.” 

You hummed in agreement and scratched the side of your nose. “Sick. I’ll take your bags up, you just wait here, alright? Go up when you’re ready.” 

»»————-⎊————-««

After you made him something quick to eat and fixed him another cup of coffee, Eddie went for a shower, and headed off to bed, and while he was upstairs, peaceful at last, you stayed in the kitchen - with your earphones in once again, listening to ‘Not My Father’s Son’ from the musical Kinky Boots, you had your back to the hallway, bracing against the sink as you cursed yourself; you felt powerless, it scared you half to death, to think that the person you loved more than anything else was asleep in your spare bedroom, broken and infected with heartache - to think that the person you loved the most was more than likely dreaming of the person that had taken his heart and broken it. Eddie’s heartache mirrored your own as you thought about how he would never love you the way you did him, his heart mimicked yours as you felt it shatter like fine china on asphalt - you let out a sniffle, coughing to clear your throat as you pushed yourself away from the sink. 

“Pull yourself together,” you muttered to yourself as you went and grabbed your cigarettes from the breakfast bar, hands shaking as you dared to light one up. “He’s never gonna love you. You need to accept that. He loves… he loves someone else.” 

“Who loves someone else?” Eddie’s voice rang, groggy and mildly disgusted as he trotted into the kitchen, rubbing one eye with the back of his hand as he stretched with his other arm. 

You whipped around, removing your earphones yet again and licking your lips. “No one, I was just… just thinking up shit, y’know? Overactive imagination and all that.” 

He didn’t seem to believe you, but nevertheless took your answer as he leaned against the farthest counter. “You shouldn’t smoke - it’ll kill you.” 

You rolled your eyes, chuckling softly. “Isn’t that kinda the point?” 

He frowned, furrowing his brows. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine,” you waved off the question, knowing that anything further than one word would cause you to break and shatter and admit to all the feelings you had had for him. You shrugged. “What are you doing up, anyways?” 

Eddie tilted his head slightly, too tired to call you out for changing the subject. “Too much shit on my mind, was all.” 

You knew the feeling all too well as you took a drag and flicked the ash into the sink. “Wanna talk about it, or is it somethin’ better off left til the morning?”

Eddie considered the question for a moment. “Can I have a glass of water?” 

You didn’t answer, grabbing him a glass of tap water and watching as he drank it as if he had been parched, you frowned a bit. “You good?” 

“Getting there,” he said quietly, placing the glass behind him. “Listen, (y/n), I’m sorry for dumping all my shit on you at once, I know it’s not-” 

You shook your head, daring to go over and take his hand in your own, squeezing it gently, doing your best not to smile when he winced at the smoke from your cigarette. “It’s fine, Eddie, really, I mean… you know I’m always here to help you, we’re friends, right?” 

Eddie smiled weakly as he slowly nodded. “Yeah… I… thank you.” 

“It’s alright,” you reassured, reluctantly pulling away again and hopping up on the counter nearest to the sink. “Least I could do - considering how much you helped me when I needed it.” 

The recent memories, bloody razors and choking sobs of broken apologies, flooded Eddie’s head, making him clench his jaw a bit as he held back a shaky sigh; he hated thinking about that night, so much. “As long as you’re sure I can stay here…” 

»»————-⎊————-««

Eddie spent the night restless, unable to sleep, tossing and turning on the sofa bed, painfully aware of you pottering about the kitchen; he heard the flicking of a lighter every now and then, followed by groans that came from aching muscles being stretched, he heard the clinking of a cup being put on the counter as he continued to drift in and out of sleep. Eventually, he dared to check his phone - six-thirty in the morning; groaning softly, Eddie pushed himself up off of the bed, and dared to trudge down the stairs, painfully aware of the fact that he was only wearing his grey jogging bottoms as the cold air hit his skin; seeing the kitchen light was on, Eddie softly sighed, making his way over to the table, whereupon he saw you sat there, smoking a cigarette, drinking a cup of coffee. 

Clumsily, Eddie pulled the other chair out, clearing his throat. “Did you even sleep last night?” 

You shrugged, shaking your head and taking a sip from your coffee. “Does it matter?” 

“Of fucking course it matters, dickhead,” he replied, “you’ll make yourself sick!” 

You rolled your eyes, swigging back the rest of your coffee and heavily placing the mug in front of you. “You worry too much, Ed.” 

Eddie frowned slightly, resisting the urge to lean forward and grab your hand; he worried so much about you, and being near you, being in such close proximity, just made matters worse. He yearned to make a move, to touch you and hold you, but he never thought you wanted him, especially now, especially now that he was spouse-less and homeless. He sighed, looking at his hands. “I just don’t want you to get sick.” 

You offered up a smile, doing the daring act and being bold as you took his hand in your own, marking out a path across his knuckles with the gentle strokes of your thumb. “I won’t. Trust me.” 

Reluctantly, Eddie nodded, squeezing your hand a bit and biting the inside of his lip. “What are we gonna do? I mean… surely you can’t pay for everything we both need on your own? I could… I could put my share forward - for rent, electrics, shopping, anything, I-”

“Eddie,” you said sternly but assuringly. “You don’t need to worry about any of that shit. I’ll figure something out - you just need to focus on you. What you’re gonna do.” 

“But-” 

“No buts, Kaspbrak,” you chuckled softly. “Believe me - everything’s gonna work out just fine.” 

Eddie wiped his free hand down his face, closing his eyes tightly shut and doing his best not to insist that he at least pay half of the shopping bills - alas, he was too tired, resorting to huffing out a sigh and leaning back in his chair. “At least let me make you breakfast.” 

You furrowed your brows, looking at him curiously before eventually shrugging and nodding, your very first agreement with your friend. “Fine. But I get to make dinner.” 

“Fine,” he agreed with quite a bark. “But I’ll make tea.” 

“Fine,” you yelped back, nearly laughing. “But I’m gonna make coffee - you want one?”

“Yes, please,” Eddie snarled playfully. “Decaf-”

“No sugar,” you completed with a slight smirk. “Don’t worry. I know how you like your coffee, idiot.” 

Eddie smiled a little, watching as you stood up before him. “Shut your fucking mouth, dickhead.” 

You rolled your eyes a bit too dramatically. “Make me, idiot.” 

Before you could say anything further, another banter-laced insult, Eddie had you pinned to the nearest wall, swallowing thickly as he looked at your lips, his throat constricting and his heart racing. “I might, if you’re not careful.” 

“Is that a promise?” You whispered, but just before you could lean in at last, he pulled away, clearing his throat and shaking his head, refusing to look you in the eyes as he continuously apologised - right up until you got his attention by kissing his cheek sweetly, pulling away with a shy smile. “Go get some sleep, Kaspbrak… I’ll wake you up when breakfast is already.” 

“Wait,” Eddie whispered, grasping your hand, looking at you with those awfully pretty brown puppy-dog eyes of his. “Let me help - please. Just let me pay half of everything.” 

You sighed heavily, swallowing thickly and knowing that there was no possible way to get around it with agreeing - Eddie was stubborn was like that, and although you loved him for it, you did also quite often curse him for it, too. “If I say yes, will you go take a quick nap and stop fucking arguing with me like some kind of asshole?”

The smallest of smirks tugged at the corner of his lips as he nodded, finally getting his own way, finally having a spot of control. “You need to sleep, too, though.” 

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Eddie-” 

“No buts,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “Please? Just… take a nap with me?” 

“Fine, asshole.” 

“Thank you, dickhead.” 

“Shut up before I change my mind, idiot.” 

Chuckling softly, Eddie dared to take your hand in his own, leading you down the hallway to the living room; he got on the sofa first, stretching out and making sure that he left enough room for you before letting you snuggle into his side tightly, as if he was the first, last, everything you ever needed or wanted or yearned for, and Eddie frowned a little as he clutched you close, never wanting to let go. The way he held you was so much different from the way he held his wife - he was gentler, less callous and more considerate. Holding you softly and securely, his breathing relaxed, his muscles loosening as the tensity left them. 

“You comfortable?” Eddie asked gently, quietly. 

You let out a grumble, already half-asleep as you snuggled in further, as if you could somehow get closer than you already were. “Do you ever shut up, Kaspbrak?” 

He smiled to himself, licking his lips and finally allowing sleep to wash over him, hoping that you were experiencing the same. 

»»————-⎊————-««

Stirring, Eddie was horribly aware of the pressure on his chest, and when he opened his eyes to see what it was, he smiled; you were soundly asleep, curled up on him, breath light and even, your head right above his heart, your knees pulled up by your chest, your arms wrapped around him. It didn't look comfortable for you, but somehow, you looked so amazingly peaceful. He smiled, taking a hand through your hair, causing you to grumble and snuggle further into him. He knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about all the ways he loved you, how much he positively adored you, after all, he had not long been kicked out of his home, his wife didn't want him anymore, he should've been crying and sobbing, and begging for her to take him back… but he didn't want to. He wanted to stay there, with you. He wanted you, and all the sleeplessness and insomnia and early morning cuddling that came with it. 

Shifting, Eddie cursed himself when you started to stir, slowly opening your eyes like a newborn puppy; you blinked away the tiredness before coming to your senses at last and chuckled softly, pushing yourself off of him. Eddie missed the pressure, the feeling of having you with him. 

"Sorry," your voice was still thick with sleep as you yawned and stretched. "I think I drifted off…" 

Eddie smiled a little, sitting upright and clearing his throat. "You said you were gonna take a nap with me, I think drifting off is kinda the point." 

You stood up, unaware of his gaze on you. "Hungry?" 

Looking you up and down, Eddie nodded, voice hoarse as he replied, "yeah." 

"Stay here," you told him, clicking your neck and fingers. "I'll be back in with breakfast." 

Eddie shook his head, chasing you out into the kitchen again and standing next to the counter. "I'll help." 

You rolled your eyes, doing your best to keep your smile bitten back. "Do you ever stop arguing?" 

He shrugged, running a hand through his hair to make the messy strands fairly neat again. "Do you ever stop being a dickhead?" 

You scoffed, finally realising a painful detail: he wasn't wearing a shirt. It made you bite your lip and tense your muscles slightly, but you soon shook your head to clear away the thoughts, or at least, to attempt to. "You might wanna go get dressed… unless if you wanna have a pyjama day." 

"Pyjama day sounds good," Eddie said, in the dark about the fact that you could hardly keep your eyes off of him. "But, I'm gonna go take my meds, don't… don't start on breakfast yet." 

"You and your fuckin' placebos," you said to yourself, waving him off; with Eddie out of your way, you went over to your speaker, the one you had been using last night, and put on 'P.I.M.P.' by 50 Cent. Swaying to the beat, you brought everything you needed out of the fridge and cupboards, laying it all out on the counter just in time for Eddie to come back down and join you, furrowing his brows. 

"I didn't know you liked 50 Cent." 

You shrugged, smiling a little and humming along to the song. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Kaspbrak." 

He raised a brow, dark brown eyes filling with curiosity. "Oh, yeah? Like what?"

You tapped the side of your nose, chuckling quietly, almost to yourself. "Wouldn't you like to know?" 

Eddie clenched his jaw slightly as he came to stand beside you, his hand resting mere inches from yours, the ring on his finger a torturous reminder of the fact that he couldn't act on his feelings. "I'd like to know everything about you." 

You let out a soft bark of laughter as you shook your head and gently pushed his face away from you. "You're an idiot." 

Nearly laughing himself, Eddie could feel his heart racing and roaring in his chest. "You're a dickhead…" he went to grab something from your little pile, letting out a yelp when you slapped his hand away. "Are you gonna let me help, or what?"

"Or what?" You teased, pushing him aside a bit. "Go sit down, I'm capable of cooking a meal for two." 

"I wanna help!" He protested. 

"And I said I don't need you to," you argued softly. "Go on, go back to the front room, I'll be fine." 

"I'm gonna sit right here," Eddie said, sitting at the breakfast bar and folding his hands in front of him. "Or would that be too distracting?" 

"Fuck off." You chuckled, putting your middle finger up to him. "Idiot." 

Smiling brightly back at you, Eddie returned the rude gesture. "Fuck you, too, dickhead." 

»»————-⎊————-««

It took a while, and some burnt toast, but eventually, breakfast was made, and you and Eddie sat down to eat it, quiet and in comfortable silence… for a moment or two; when the forks and knives were laid to rest on the plates, you cleared your throat, and shifted in your seat a little. 

“I don’t wanna pry, Eds, but… have you figured out what you’re gonna do about this whole mess with your wife?” You asked, willing to support him in any way he needed. 

Eddie shook his head, sighing heavily as he swiped a hand down his face. “No, not really… I think… I think, if anything, it’ll be… it’ll be a divorce.” 

You clicked your tongue, debating on what you could and should say; on the one hand, you were apologetic on his behalf, somehow wanting to carry the guilt of it all on your own shoulders, but on the other hand, you were glad. You had seen the controlling ways she had sunk her claws into him, and you had seen how miserable Eddie had been even though he never said a word, and to see him relaxed and not jumping and flinching and fidgeting every five seconds was a sight for sore eyes and a half. You loved seeing him away from her. But you were at a loss for words, you had no choice but to fall silent. “Eddie, I’m… I’m sorry, I-” 

Eddie waved you off, offering up a small smile. “It’s fine, really, I mean… it’s not fine, I’m gonna lose the house, but… at least I won’t be married to my mother anymore, right?” 

You nodded, glad he could see the light at the end of the tunnel as you laid a heavy hand on his shoulder, letting his gaze meet yours. “Right, and, like I said, for as long as you want it to be, this is your home, too… as, as long you want me, I’m here for you - even though you are a massive fucking idiot.” 

Grinning brightly, Eddie rolled his eyes, playfully shoving you away from him as he dared to laugh along. “Shut the fuck up, dickhead.” 

“Make me, asshole,” you grinned, shoving him back and tutting. 

“I’m about to,” Eddie growled playfully, swallowing nervously and thickly when you dared to move over into his lap, his hands on your waist as you gripped his shirt tightly, his breath hitched as he looked you up and down, doing his best to not buck his hips. His confidence, the boldness, that was there a few seconds ago had already faded into bleak anxiety as Eddie sat there with you on his lap. “(Y/N)...” 

“Eddie.” Your voice was quiet and soft, like the prayer of a sinner to an angel up high. 

About to say something, Eddie cursed it when your phone rang, hanging his head in shame as you excused yourself and walked back out into the kitchen. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N) speaking… no, Missus Kaspbrak, I haven’t seen your husband… I haven’t heard from him either, no.” 

Eddie winced a little, the thought of his wife searching for him when he was at your house, his now-home, he cleared his throat and got out of his chair, standing in front of you, mouthing, “give me the phone.” 

“Fuck off, I got this,” you mouthed back. 

“(Y/N), give me the phone,” he silently argued. 

“Shut up!” You soundlessly snarled. “I can handle this, Eddie.” 

“No, give me the phone,” he muttered, reaching out for the phone until you shoved him back and shook your head, making him step down. “Do you have to be so stubborn?” 

With his wife nagging you in one ear, you shot a glare at him. “I’m not the stubborn one - yes, Missus Kaspbrak, I’m still here… of course I’ll let you know if he turns up… yep, will do, thank you, alright, bye.” You hung up, stuffing your phone into your pocket and looking anywhere but at Eddie. 

Frowning, he did his best to find something to say, but words never came easily with you, so when you faced towards the counter and lit up a cigarette, Eddie took his chance, wrapping his arms around you and sighing heavily. “I’m sorry.”

Your hand found its way to his, resting on top as you gently pat it and let the tension from your muscles wash away. “It’s fine I just… forget it.” 

Eddie shook his head, doing his best to let his heart race as he realised how well you fit into his embrace. “Tell me… if you stress yourself out about this-”

“I’ll get sick,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you turned around to face him, suddenly aware of the close proximity as you let out a nervous cough and wriggled free. You shouldn’t have been thinking about Eddie, your friend, who was going through the worst time possible, in that light. “I’m fine. Really. It’s nothing, Eddie - trust me.” 

Reluctant, Eddie moved away and ran a hand through his hair. “Promise you’d tell me if there was something on your mind about this?” 

You offered up a false smile as you nodded. “Yeah, I promise.” 

»»————-⎊————-««

It took a while, but eventually, you and Eddie adjusted to living together, you adapted to each other’s routines and schedules, but you noticed a slight change in him when he finally got divorced - he was so much more relaxed, a little less pedantic. You loved seeing the side of Eddie that was there before he met his ex-wife, and you wouldn’t change it for the world; but, with those changes, came some… other developments. 

More often than not, you would sneak into each other’s beds at night and sleep together, or at least cuddle one another on those cold and lonely sleepless nights; there were instances on the landing where he would walk out of the shower with just a towel wrapped round his waist, and you would find yourself looking at him for more seconds than necessary, fingers would graze when reaching for things, you would sit on his lap far too frequently for it to be normal. Both of you yearned to say something, to put words to feelings in your chests, and it wasn’t until one cold October night, when you were laid on your stomach, Eddie’s fingers trailing up and down your back, that you finally dared to speak up and smash the china cup. 

“I love you, you know - more than… more than as friends.” 

Pausing, Eddie looked at you for a moment as he processed the words, a certain nervousness coming over him. “Y- you do?” 

You looked up at him, nodding. “Of course I do, I mean… yeah, you’re an idiot, and a hypochondriac, and just a little bit annoying, but I wouldn’t trade you for anything… there’s always been a special little soft spot in my heart for you, Kaspbrak.” 

Eddie smiled, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to the back of your neck. “Do you mean that?” 

You rolled over so that you were on your back, letting him get on top before you grinned and playfully slapped his arm. “You’re an idiot, of course I mean it! I… Eddie, fuck, I love you more than I can say.” 

His smile grew slightly as he leaned down, daring to capture your lips in a soft, sweet, kiss. “I love you, too, sweetheart - even though you’re kind of a dickhead.” 

You rolled your eyes, placing your hands on his shoulders as you raised a brow. “But are… are you sure you want this, me? I mean, I’m not the best of people at the best of times, Ed, and I’m kind of a handful, and it’s rotten work-”

“Not to me,” he whispered against your lips. “Not if it’s you.”


End file.
